Sunday, 26 February 2012

Rejected Doll

 

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Fix You - Cold Play

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Solitude #14



Pukul 17. 19 masih ada matahari di atap rumah saya. Serab. 





Andai kamu tahu, cintamu masih menghanguskanku walau dari jarak sejauh ini.

Potluck Kini

Tahun 2009 lalu adalah tahun terakhir saya mampir ke Potluck, sebuah library coffee shop yang beralamat di Jalan Baguswaringin. Nah, sehari lalu saya coba mampir ke sana lagi. Yah hitung-hitung ga ada kerjaan, lapar, sekaligus mumpung dekat dengan kampus.

Kemarin siang matahari sedang terik sekali dan saya berharap bisa menemukan ruangan ber-ac di Potluck. Sesaat masuk, tidak ada pendingin ruangan dinyalakan. Pintu masuk sengaja dibuka sehingga hawa panas agak malu-malu masuk ke dalam ruangan. Tata ruangnya sudah berbeda sejak pertama kali saya mampir. Yaiyalah, wong udah dua tahun lebih masa ga ada perubahan. Yah tiba-tiba saya merasa asing. Jika dulu saya bersama teman ke sana untuk bertemu dengan Dewi Lestari, kini saya sendiri hanya untuk ngopi. Ruangan dekat pintu masuk lumayan nyaman. Karena saya ingin sambil menjelajahi internet, saya khawatir netbook saya akan butuh diisi ulang baterainya. Lantas saya bertanya di mana letak stop kontak. Pelayannya dengan ramah menunjukan stop kontak yang berada di dekat pintu masuk. Kursi di dekat stop kontak terlihat kurang nyaman. Jadi saya mencoba duduk di ruangan dalam. Tapi ternyata lagi, jika ingin duduk di ruangan dalam, harus ada minimum order seratus ribu rupiah. Agak bingung sih. Ga mungkin juga ngopi bentar ditambah makan siang nyampe segitu. Ya akhirnya terima nasib saya duduk di kursi dekat stop kontak. 

Sayapun memutuskan untuk ngopi tanpa makan siang di sana. Saya pesan cold cappucino. Saya menyalakan netbook sambil menunggu. Lima menit menunggu duduk tepat dekat pintu masuk benar-benar membuat saya berkeringat. Terlebih kursi yang saya duduki tidak membuat nyaman. Beberapa  saat kemudian pesanan saya datang. Inilah cold cappucino ala Potluck:


Cappucino Potluck ini tidak secantik cappucino kompetitornya. Dibandingkan cappucino Tokyo Connection, penampilannya tidak menggoda sama sekali. Sedangkan rasa terbilang standar, kurang nendang dan kurang dalam. Mungkin karena harganya yang murah, duapuluh ribu rupiah saja. Saya tidak jadi memesan makan siang karena saat itu saya sudah janjian untuk makan siang bersama teman. Sebelumnya, saya memutuskan pindah tempat duduk ke pojok ruangan. Kursinya bersofa dan berbantal jadi saya pikir saya bisa lenjeh-lenjeh. Baterai netbook sayapun sudah penuh, jadi ga perlu khawatir kehabisan baterai. Kursi dipojok memang nyaman sekali. Benar rasanya ingin tidur-tiduran di sana. Hanya saja, entah kenapa ada lalat yang tiba hinggap di kaca. Menggaggu sih.


 Btw, saya tidak menggunakan fasilitas wifi di Potluck. Pengalaman sebelumnya harus ada minimum order sebesar duapuluh lima ribu rupiah untuk mengakses wifinya. Tapi berhubung saya bawa modem, tidak jadi masalah.


Selama hampir dua jam saya berada di Potluck, saya beranjak pergi. Setelah membayar (ternyata bisa menggunakan kartu kredit dan debit, minimum ordernya duapuluhribu saja), saya menatap halaman belakang tempat diskusi dengan Dewi Lestari dulu. Terbuka dan lengang. 

Dua tahun telah berlalu, yah, waktu pasti sangat senang terbang dengan cepat.

Tuesday, 7 February 2012

Manohara



i was going home from college. it was afternoon and the traffic was really heavy. listening to music was a temporary cure for me. But my curiosity abruptly boiled when my eyes stucked to a traditional merchant at the sidewalk: Baso Tahu Manohara. Destiny set me up this time. Angkot (Public Transportation) i was in was moving like a snail because of heavy traffic. And that's the moment i could not take my eyes off of it.


Baso Tahu Manohara was quite attractive to me. Whatever the story behind, it kept my curiosity floating around thinking about it. Whether the merchant as pretty as Manohara or it belonged to Manohara's business empire or it simply was Manohara is the merchant itself. Whatever it is, it worked out to attract me stepped out of angkot. The reason was solely one, to prove my curiosity. 

When i came near the merchant, i quickly asked HIM about the Manohara. Well, i was quite disappointed that the merchant was no Manohara at all. But finding out that fact just aggravated my curiosity. And the biggest disappointment when he answered my question flatly, "Hmm..it is just because at that time Manohara was quite popular. She was famous and on tv everyday. That's why i named it Manohara."

Well, none of my assumption proven. I was sad because the reason was unpredictable and it was really flat. it's like That's it ? He told me that using Manohara name, he was quite fortune at selling Baso Tahu. But one thing i realized that the Baso Tahu was worth it. His Baso Tahu was delicious and cheap. Only Rp.500,00/pc. That's why when i eat Baso Tahu, my mind goes associating it with Manohara's cheeks. Funny. Eventhough it is actually nothing to me, well, at least Manohara was a fortune goddess to some people. 

solitude #13


breathing

Solitude #12





There’s a seed of vexation growing dark in sky. Never know when it began or even when it ends.  
There’s a pack of hatred contaminated the sky. Never know when it started or even when it’s gone.
There’s a layer of sorrow painted in the sky. Never know why it is there or even why it isn’t there.
There’s a spectrum of doubt filled up the sky. Never know why it is so thick or even why it makes people sick.


There's only me, watching the sky. Never need a question why or a reason to stay.
There's only me, watching the sky. nothing to say, it let me dry.

Monday, 6 February 2012

Empat Setengah Tahun (3)

The Struggle: Scholarships



It is not easy to finish something you don’t like from the beginning. It is already said that I don’t quite like college. In my department where I have recently finished my bachelor degree, I met a lot of cocky people. At first, I could obviously see their friendship groups. But it didn’t bother me at all. Who care who friends with whom. So I keep focused perfecting my college life. Since the day I stepped my feet in Jatinangor, I realized that I would never have the same social life at I had befor in high school. I am no good friends at all particularly at spreading first impression so I could gain some new friends. No, I was not raised to gain friends with first impression. Time shapes friendship. I am sure that friendship can’t be built in one night, one week, month or even one year. To me, it takes a life to know who’s our friends, the true one. so I skipped seeking for friends as I didn’t come to get one.

There was one thing that kept bugging me since I wrote down my first semester credit: How to get a Scholarship. But I was totally blind and clueless about university scholarships so I missed a lot of opportunities at the first year. But the next following year, I applied two scholarships: Peningkatan Prestasi Akademik (PPA) Unpad and Karya Salemba Empat (KSE). And Alhamdulillah I got it. So at that time I didn’t have to work my ass out to support my college needs. I got PPA for my sophomore year and  KSE for the next year. (You can google PPA Unpad and KSE for further information, in case you want to get their scholarship).

To be honest, it was a blessing because those were years I could actually concentrate in my study. I was able to optimize studying to get the best result. And the result was quite jaw-breaking. I mean, it was really different between having part time jobs while studying and laying my finger and eye on books. Hypothetically speaking, I thought the university kept me on scholarship, automatically. But the truth is, it did not. I had to apply to for the next year to get the scholarship but I missed it. I forgot to apply. I was so desperately down that I could not imagine I had to study at noon and work at night. To me the scholarship foundation was savior. They gave money to study. It is nice having people care about me, about us, who couldn’t study at maximum because of financial problems. That’s why I wrote a huge thank in my thesis, “ To all my scholarship sponsors, may Allah give you so many blessing in return.”

Later on, I found out that there’s BCA Finance. It was a scholarship supported by BCA, yes that bank. I was really fortunate because I got BCA Finance for my last year, the fourth year I assumed. But I was quite disappointed later on finding out a bit late. Because BCA Finance is a big fish! It will support your college living cost until eight semesters. But at least I had my last year cover so I could a bit relax.

In the end I was mistaken because I had to continue the 9th semester. It is because I took so many activities in third year so I couldn’t keep my eyes on thesis formulation. I was wrong to calculate I was able to finish it for only 6 months. The truth is it took 9 months to finish it. And that time I was pretty busy and cracked up to apply a scholarship so I had to pay it on my account. But it did not matter since I saved up some from my previous scholarships.

So I just want you guys to know that working and studying at the very same time is not an easy stuff. It is really nice if you guys are provided with such facilities to keep up with your study.  But don’t worry if you are in your own, you still got me. You must work your ass off in applying scholarships. Your academic records must be outstanding or at least good (min. GPA 3.00 of 4.00). But I don’t regret I had worked with studying at the same time. It got me good at handling times.