Mampukah kau bertahan dengan hidupku yang malang?
Dalam diam, manusia mengaduh. Dalam
hiruk pikuk, manusia mengeluh. Entah sampai kapan aku bisa mengayuh jika batas
horizon imajimu sudah tidak lagi dapat ku rengkuh.
Atlas bermuram durja menopang bumi.
Sisifus terjebak dengan bola penderitaan tak bertepi. Mereka terus terluka namun
tidak berhenti bermimpi. Aku yang kerap kali bermimpi kala bulan utuh berseri mewujud luka saat
matahari mulai menjemput pagi. Tapi tak pernah
aku bosan untuk susupkan hati yang menganga agar kau tetap di sini.
Maybe now you have gone with the
wind, burying all great memories.
We all are changing. Heraclitus even
said nothing is constant. He got
the point and he’s the first who realized. I think he was one of those wise men
mentioned in songs, movies, or book. He pampered us with his delicate thought
so we don’t have to experience the pain that goes very deep in every
‘change-themed conversation’ but yeah thank you modernization, we forgot about
him and his notion. We are sinking in the abundance of a lavished life. We are
voraciously feeding ourselves with such a drama. Well, at least it gives me one
shot to find out myself why we change. Why change is our nature. Oh, that’s so
human. To find it out, I have tried to use my logic at my best. Sometimes I
trust logic far more for feeling is deceiving. Maybe because it is changing
too. When logic works accordingly, feeling says lots of hopefully. I guess
feeling is like a hand-wash person. It says, “just do it, follow your heart”
and when our heart goes wrong, it says, “no I don’t event ask you to do that,
it’s your heart recommendation”.
So what should we do if feeling is not
a thing we can count on? No, that’s not
our question. Why we change it is.
I grow mustaches and my hair is
whitened. I see tenous wrinkles in your forehead too. But we never ask why. We
haved loved each other and now we started to hurt each other. We ask why. The
emotion we have been holding on is slowly leaking. It bursts into tears and
anger emphasizing the feeling that we are not ready to
separate again. Because we are not ready to start over again and trapped in
such a long exhausting same story, again. Or because we have filled the missing
piece in each other’s heart and now we are completely fine by ourselves.
It’s time to go dear. There’s a hello
and there’s a goodbye. Your feeling fades away and I see everyone is jaded.
They give up on their hopes and dreams. But I don’t. Change is inevitable. And
why do we change? Because we always want something better. We want us to be
better.
Nevertheless, I am afraid to change, so
thrilled.
So please, hold my hands tight when
everything’s not the same.
Bila kau tak di sampingku
Kini, kau pandangi kesedihan menjulang dalam
mataku. Ku pandangi keputusasaan luber dari matamu. Keduanya bersilangan
menjadi embun saat fajar tiba. Kemudian kau selimuti aku dengan rajutan kepercayaan
agar hangat meresap dalam pori-pori keniscayaanku. Jemariku mengisi ruang kosong
di antara jemarimu agar kita semakin dekat. Ku dekap kau erat, agar hati kita semakin lekat.
Kau dan aku tak pernah lelah mencari.
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| "together is home, dear." |
sangat terinspirasi oleh lagu Sheila On 7 yang berjudul Seberapa Pantas
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